Elements of the Indian Culture that Backfired

We have a very beautifull culture in India, absolutely fabulous and very colorfull. But there are elements in our culture which according to me have backfired, and backfired BIG TIME! This is my attempt to try to explain these elements of our culture and how i think they have backfired, without trying to hurt anyone's feelings.

The "Respect Elders Syndrome":
In our culture we are always taught to respect elders. Respect your parents, respect your relatives , those relatives who are elder to you, respect anyone and everyone who is elder to you. First may I ask, how much elder? What if my mamu is one day elder to me? Does that count too?

Now on a more serious note, my main problem with this culture is, why respect ONLY elders? Who respects children? Who respects people younger to oneself? Ofcourse a lot of you would say that everybody should be respected but elders should get more compared to younger people. But let us see how this "Respect Elders" culture really affects our day to day life.

Ajay was walking with his mom and her mother in law, Ajay's grandmother. It was a dark misty evening, and Ajay who recently learnt in his school about fog, told his grandmother, "Daadi (grandma) this fog is actually clouds that formed just above the Earth". The grandmother, not very knowledgeable about such things refused to accept what her grandchild just said. Infact she told him, "No its not clouds". Ajay insisted and his mother told him to keep quiet. Defeated by two elder women Ajay put the topic at the back of his mind. Later that night though, Ajay asked his mother, "Fog is really clouds, my physics teacher taught me in school". His mother very calmly told him, "Yes beta (child), i know, but you should not argue with elder people like that."

The point here is, in this process of "respecting elders" we are actually hurting our society. Now this is a very childish example , the same concept applies to adults, and becomes all the more complicated and dangerous. Child abuse by parents, women abuse by in-laws, are all compounded effects of this one basic "value" we inherit from our culture. Respect Elders is one thing, demanding or expecting respect because you are elder, is the culture we have unwantingly got ourselves into. And it doesnt end here! The effects compoound even greatly.

So till now i have identified child abuse, women abuse by in laws as being rooted to the culture of respecting elders. I say women abuse by in laws specifically and do not include Husbands yet, because husbands abusing their wives is something i will take up later in this post. Ragging culture, is yet another culture which springs out of the elemental culture of respecting elders. In this case you can call it respecting power. Just because you are a first year student you have to obey what your seniors dictate you to do. Even if this doesnt take up violent forms, and is as simple as singing a song or giving an introduction , this is basically abuse of power. Power we have created in our culture and given to seniors. Our society has a very undemocratic heirarchical structure, from family to college to ofcourse government. Teachers also many times think they are to be respected by students and the students have to believe everything they say and that they have the right to go to the extent of slapping or beating a child.

Its all about power. Power given to those of higher status (like in a family), higher caste, or higher position (like college or school). Same with politicians who think they are rulers, and are above law. Wondered why most politicians are old? Its because we respect them so much, elders not politicians. We respect elders so much that firstly we offer them what they want and mostly they themselves expect respect along with obidience.

Here i come to another point i want to make. Does respecting mean to obey blindly? Does respecting mean to follow blindly? Does respecting mean to say yes for everything? Can not we with full respect tell our elders that this or that is wrong? Cannot we with great respect listen to the point of view of someone younger or inferior to us? Sad but no Indian culture has taught us not to do such things.

Pati Parmeshvar:
Another element of Indian culture, which is very disastrous and many people don't know unconstitutional! In India , atleast legally, a man and woman are supposed to be 50% stakeholders in a marraige. Which means both have equal right over the kids, and which also as i interpret it, means that the woman has the right to stay with her parents.

Why does a woman have to sacrifice her parents , when she marries? I will put this in slightly different ways. Why are women forced to do such a dis-service to their parents, who by no doubts are the closest relatives of the woman. Would guys do such a dis-service to their parents, even though they love them so much? Where does all the thoughts about Gender equality go when it comes to marraiges? Cannot a man and woman marry each other, without the woman having to marry the man's family as well?

This along with the respect elders culture has led to abuse of wives by husbands, and very interestingly is also the reason the women stay shut and bear everything and accept it as their fate.

Lives are being lost, not by the physical death of women but by their mental death. Guys have to understand this and help make a better India with a reformed culture. Most importantly women have to stand up and understand the gravity of the situation and the discrimination against them and not only fight to become independent but also help others become independent. We have a lot in our culture to be very proud of, but a few things that we have got wrong, can be changed.

I would like to end this long article, with my concept of respecting people. If you have read all along and reached till here, thanks a lot for being so patient.
"Respect each and every single person around you, just for the sake of humanity. Respect more those who deserve more and most importantly respect differences in opinions".